What is holding you back? Are you “busy” but not getting any results? Are you feeling exhausted, unmotivated, discouraged? Are you unclear about what you REALLY want? Why don’t you have what you say you want?

What is the difference between someone who dreams and someone who envisions and accomplishes that vision? ACTION. The action I am talking about is not just going through the motions. It is PRECISE DEFINED DETERMINED DRIVE (PDDD). There is a saying that says “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and thinking you will get a different result.”

The best example of PDDD, and one that inspires me, is of my son, Travis. When he was 14 he had a fascination with Japanese anime (cartoons). He loved the comic books and wanted to be able to read them, so he begged me to take him to the library to find books on Japanese. He started teaching himself to read Japanese by slowly comparing the symbols to the comic books. Since his progress was slower than he was willing to settle on, he begged me to find a tutor to teach him. Since I was newly divorced and going through financial problems, I made a deal with him. If he would continue to learn with tapes and books for the next six months, I would find a tutor in our area. I totally thought this was a phase and that within a few weeks he would give up. But Travis was determined to learn Japanese so he practiced with the tapes from the library every night after school. At the end of the six months, he reminded me of my promise to find a tutor. Where was I going to find a Japanese tutor in Southern New Jersey? I called Rowan University and asked if they knew of anyone. They gave me the name of a local woman. She was so impressed with how much Travis already had taught himself, that she agreed to teach him for a fee that I could afford. After a few weeks of lessons, she told me that she had never seen anyone so determined to learn and how quickly he was picking up the language. “You must take him to Friend’s School in Philadelphia on Saturday mornings for classes”, she said. So every Saturday morning, we would drive 40 minutes to the school so he could take the three hour class. I would wait in the car and read or do work while he was learning. His face would beam every time he ran out of class towards the car. We found a Japanese restaurant near the school and would go for lunch where he would tell me his dream that someday he would get to live in Japan. Again, I thought he was just dreaming.

Soon his teacher told him about a student exchange program where three students from New Jersey can earn a scholarship through Princeton University to live in Japan during their junior year of high school. He told me that this was his ticket to Japan! For the next several months, he wrote essays, delivered speeches and memorized facts to pass the entry tests. Did I want my 15 year old son to leave and live in Japan for a year? No way. But I wasn’t concerned because I didn’t think there was any chance of him actually winning the scholarship. It was keeping him busy and I tried to prepare him for the inevitable disappointment. However, he was one of the seven finalists.

As we drove to Princeton for his final interview that would determine his fate, I told him that he had a whole lifetime to achieve the goal of living in Japan. He calmly looked at me and said, “Mom, if they think that I’m not the right person to go, it will be okay. But I WILL get to Japan if I have to hitch-hike to California, build a row boat and row to Japan!” Now I could see that this was not just a whim or an idol dream. He had a drive that was unstoppable. Nothing was going to get in his way no matter how long it look, how much he had to do or what disappointments might come along. I told him that he should tell the judges what he just told me.

When the phone rang and the voice on the other end said, “Congratulations, your son has been accepted as an exchange student in Japan”, I thought I would drop the phone! My baby was going to fly half way around the world for a whole year at 15! Some of my friends said, “How can you let him go?”. I said, “How can I not?” His PRECISE DEFINED DETERMINED DRIVE turned his dream into a reality, and I was SO very proud of him.

So in 2013, what is it that you want so badly that nothing will stand in your way? Become clear, commit to whatever it takes to get it, prepare for the challenges that may come up, set a precise defined step by step path and soon you will be celebrating your accomplishment! Need help in getting that clear? Let me be your tutor by teaching you The 5 C Solution! Pick up that phone and take the first step to ACTION! 1-888-806-9678

As I watch her, her facial expressions barely change except for a momentary lifting of her eyebrows as if she just dreamt something amazing. Donna has lead such an interesting life. She wanted to be an actress so she ran off to California to pursue her dream. Her beauty and personality led her to some success in modeling, but as time passed she stayed involved with the entertainment field as an accountant on movie and TV sets. The stories of after parties with famous people were always entertaining. Her last job was the head accountant on 30 Rock with Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey. She worked long hours doing budgets and writing checks. She loved her job. It reflected her wit, intellect and free spirit. Her laugh was contagious. Her commitment to family was unquestioned. Even though her father never approved of her “flinting off” to be in the movies, she drove to NJ from NY every weekend while he was ill to help care for him. She stayed by her mother’s side when it was her time to transition. And although she never had children of her own, she loved her nieces and nephews without question. Watching her gather all the children at the annual family picnic to play games and then lead them as they marched around the lawn to the theme of Bugler’s Dream (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IizWc4cJwbw) is my favorite memory of Donna. I’m not sure who was smiling bigger, her or the kids.

So as she is transitioning now, I’m hoping and praying that she is dreaming of her magnificant life. Perhaps driving her convertible down the Pacific Coast Highway with music blaring and blonde hair blowing in the wind towards her Malibu home. Or hiding Easter Eggs filled with money for all the little kids in the family. Or telling tales of cast parties. (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0162644/) And I’m hoping and praying that she is transitioning to a place of rock and roll and parties because peace and rest would truly kill her. Her spirit and love will stay with all of us forever.

Donna, May your journey be wild, and your spirit be free!

While our lives were spinning out of control, I thought it would never end. Now, 15 years later, those memories are tucked away only to be relived by watching a movie. However, in the moment they returned to my conscious mind, the emotions were just as raw and sad. Our minds are remarkable vaults loaded with experiences, encapsulated by emotion. How much we allow these memories to cloud our present is up to us.

We can dwell on the pain, or reflect on the lessons. We can wallow in the feelings of depression, or congratulate ourselves for the strength and courage we possess now. Life lessons make us who we are.

Who are you?

Remember that possessions can come and go for many reasons. The memories attached to them will never be washed away in our minds. You can close your eyes and see your house and the good times that were had there.  It hurts to lose special possessions that can’t be replaced, like photographs and mementos.  That hurt can turn to anger. How will you release your irritation and exasperation? You can dwell in the loss and become bitter, depressed and cynical.    Or you can be productive and reach out to help others.  By turning your energy into positive actions, you will heal faster, grow a more long lasting sense of community, and become a force of change.

Our emotions were given to us as  a release of feelings. Feelings at a time like this can be all over the place. Any loss takes you down the path of grief. At times, anger is  a prelude to experiencing the pain and despair of loss. It is natural, but needs to be controlled to keep you safe and moving forward toward a new way of living. Things won’t be the same, but try to see the possibility that happiness will return. Reach out and hug someone. Look around for the positive aftermath of strangers helping strangers.  Ask for the help you need. Turn the power of your emotions into a positive force to help yourself and others. As the song says, “We get knocked down, but we get up again!”

This past week some have been stuck in shock, while others have sprung into action. When immediate needs for survival must be met, people can mask the depth of their shock by springing into action to help themselves and others by banding together. Churches, community organizations and the government have all started relief efforts. Individuals from all areas of the country have driven here to see what they can do to help.

What can you do? What do you need? Physical, emotional and psychological  healing will take time. Being grounded spiritually helps. Recognizing that you aren’t alone and that the power in numbers can transform not only the landscape but our souls. If your heart is telling you to get more involved, do it! Don’t hold back! Call your local church and find out what they are doing. Join in with any civil organization. Donate. Go shovel sand. Do whatever you can to become whole with your spirit. Blessings will abound when you follow what your heart is telling you to do.

In my next post, I will discuss more about handling shock, grief and how to start moving past the storm!

We may not be facing a hurricane very often, but there are times when our lives feel like a major storm is throwing us around. What kind of preparation do you need to be ready for your next big storm? I learned this week that whenever faced with major stress, I revert back to a formula I learned thirty years ago in my volatile first marriage. First, I cry. Then I start going through a list of people in my head wondering who I can call to listen to my woes. Usually a five minute conversation will calm me down enough to start thinking clearly. Why do I need to be reassured by someone else that all will be fine? Why can’t I just skip all the drama and start thinking clearly right away?

Patterns of behavior can be predicted just like the weather. The key is to prepare our emotional emergency kit in advance. Being aware of our patterns is like listening to the Emergency Broadcast System. Stocking up on confidence, motivation, focus and willpower leaves a feeling of calm. So….I’m ready for my next emotional hurricane. How about you?

P.S. I hope none of these physical preparations is necessary and that everything will blow over (literally) safely. Be safe everyone!

1. FREEZE. When we would go to the mall when my son was little, he would strike a pose and act like a mannequin. Standing perfectly still at the edge of the aisles of clothes, people would walk by not even noticing that he was a real person. At times when you are confused, disappointed or emotionally drained, do you ever become a mannequin emotionally or physically? Do you lay on the couch for hours staring at mindless TV? Sit at your desk doing busy work but accomplishing nothing? Allow days or weeks so by without any real direction or purpose? Are you going to give up and say you’ll try again next year?

2. MELT DOWN. I saw a grown woman fly into a rage at the grocery store because they ran out of her favorite kind of bread. As she yelled at the manager while throwing her arms in the air and stomping her feet, I wondered what was really happening in her life that caused this trantrum. It had to be deeper than the bread. This was probably the last straw of a series of problems that now caused her melt down.

3. EVALUATE, MAKE A PLAN AND EXECUTE! Neither of the above choices will produce productive results. To move past your current situation, you need to evaluate where you are, how you want things to be different and what steps to take to make it happen. Emotions clog clear thinking so clear them out first by allowing yourself to be upset for a set period of time. Set the timer and give yourself 15 minutes to look in a mirror and tell your story to your reflection. Seeing your frustration, anger or depression can actually motivate you to change your face and disposition. Remember when we spout off at other people, they are seeing what you are now looking at in the mirror. It is sometimes shocking to see our expressions as we get rid of annoyance. Anger can be down right ugly. So, get it all out and then turn that negative energy into a useful tool to power yourself into solution mode. Ask yourself, “So what are you going to do now?” Then formulate three solutions. Write them down. Put them in your schedule and execute the plan! Need help – GET A COACH! Call me for your first free session or fill out the form on my website.

As you move through the steps to your plan, you will find new energy, a sense of accomplishment and a smile on your face! You never know – you could fly past your goals for 2012 with the right mindset, an action list and the support to make it happen! Then you will really celebrate come New Year’s Eve!

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Call Cindy now to reserve your spot!   856-534-7070

1.  Stop. Wherever you are right now – stop. Take a deep breath and realize that you are so blessed to be alive. That sounds silly, but how often do you take a moment to realize how awesome it is to have the life you have? Whatever problems you are facing, whatever bills are looming, whoever is giving you grief….you are alive and able to figure it out.

2. Today stay in the moment. Celebrate the taste of sweet juicy peaches, crunchy corn on the cob and vine ripe tomatoes of summer. Smile at the sunlight that still lasts past 5pm. Summer is leaving us once again. Did your’s fly by too quickly? Did you take some time to truly enjoy being outside without a coat, smell some flowers, or drive with the windows down? Try it today and see how big your smile gets!

3. Get some love. Hug someone you love. Tell them eye to eye that you love them. Drag them outside to watch the sunset as you eat an ice cream cone. Do a cartwheel on the lawn and give thanks for just being alive. All the other stuff won’t seem so overwhelming when you are just enjoying being alive.

Now don’t just read this – It is a MUST DO!

All of these issues can throw your personal and professional plans off track. So how are you coping? How can you think past the emotions of change? What if you could use a simple, easy to remember method to move you through these difficult times?

Let me introduce you to “The 5 C’s Finger Method” that I use with my clients. Hold out your hand and separate your fingers. Using your hand as a memory tool will enable you to carry this method with you wherever you go and use it no matter what change you are facing.

Here are the 5 Finger Names:  Pinky Finger – Clarity; Ring Finger – Commitment; Middle Finger – Challenges; Pointing Finger – Create a Plan; Thumb – Celebrate!

Every time you need to make decisions or move past an emotional hurtle, start with your pinky finger – CLARITY. Ask yourself: What do I really want?  Why? What do I need at this moment and beyond? Why? Who can help me? When?  By honing down your answers and getting really specific you can take the emotion out of the equation and start moving forward with a clear head. Often feeling stuck is nothing more than confusion. By answering What, Why, When, How, Where questions, you will discover what you really need to do.

What to know how to use the rest of your hand to guide your decisions? Contact me at 1-888-806-9678 or 856-534-7070 for your free consultation today!